COURT TRIAL 1-27-28-2011

                                           
 Two day's of court & I am more then exhausted and taking xanax as well makes it worse but it's the only way I can handle the stress of the courtroom. I was disappointed before it got underway as I was told my youngest Shellbe would not be coming to testify or to be able to see me. I was heartbroken to say the least. When Montanna arrived she was around the corner so I moved closer for her to see me but still had to say "  Montanna wanna come see your mom"    she finally wondered over and as we began to talk I asked her why she wanted to stay where she was @ because she had told me that. Her response was "  because mom they give me so much more then I could get from you"   I was so hurt, & I said well go sit down then as I can't fight this battle alone & I'll just fight for Shellbe. I realized later I probably shouldn't of said that but imagine the blow to my heart. Later when Montanna and I were talking about something concerning family a women came over and said "  you can't talk about thing's like that".  It is so very hard to have relationship with my daughter anymore. I don't always understand all the mumbo jumbo (processing issues) in court but social services asked to pass two 388 motions in order for me to not have any contact with my girls and he passed the one for Shellbe due to the county's lies of that I pulled my daughter's arm and hurt it, despite no evidence found and they didn't bring her to testify believing she is to stupid with her autism when she is a very bright child. So I just sat their and sunk inside so no contact with Shellbe. The judge did order I could have phone contact with her which I didn't get before so that was a plus. Then Montanna got on the stand and spoke up and said she wanted a relationship with me and when asked if I have ever hurt her or Shellbe she said "  No"    then she was asked are you close to your mom "  yes"   so she was excused to leave for school and a dance she was excited about. I wasn't allowed to hug or kiss her goodbye. I feel my bond has been sabotaged because she seems like she has distanced herself and it breaks my heart. Her 388 motion was denied I can visit Montanna in a supervised situation so we are trying to do it out of the realm of social services with the doctor I saw recently for another evauluation who again diagnosed me with Aspergers. He said he would offer our visit's @ his office, their supervised by someone who works with & understands autism plus individual therapy for me. So I am going to work on this. Social services is such liars as that's all they do, my attorney cross examined & called on the phone Shellbe's previous social worker even when asked by my attorney do you think Shellbe's anxiety is bothered more because of her autism and he stated well autism is her mother's diagnosis we have others then she said were you aware Shellbe has mild cerebral palsy & he again said "  That's the mother's diagnosis".  Shellbe has been diagnosed by the autism clinic @ university of Washington state & then again when hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital by a child psychiatrist so again who's the ignorant ones ? Now they brought up my internet posting's so they set a court date for that Feb 7th but I deleted my facebook account & this site is private as you need to sign in. They also gave Amber their sister unsupervised phone contact even though it was never court ordered to be so before & then the girls are suppose to get to go visit my ailing parent's soon but was ordered I was not to be there~!!  I am just going to keep praying and hope someday God will return my babies although they will be almost grown women maybe. All I can do is keep my fight for justice and pray for a miracle that's all I am living for as you must all believe I am no criminal & by no means did I deserve this treatment. May God bless me & my children. If not here on earth my reward will be in heaven with Jesus and that's all I must live for~!! Thanks to all who follow me and care. 

 I AM WHO GOD CREATED ME TO BE~!!!!