Tuesday, October 26, 2010

COURT DATE 10-25-10


I went today knowing it would be harsh but had no idea how harsh when I arrived I found out that in their report the department had wrote up they accused me of forcibly yanking my daughter #11 behind me and that they took her to the emergency room but unfounded evidence~!! Still as Montanna's attorney pleaded how frustrated Montanna was by all of this and the stress the visit's were becoming under this strict supervision she doesn't like or think is nessasary as her attorney spoke and stated "their is no real evidence their needs to be this supervision" she pleaded on our behalf for 20 minutes to him and as the county social workers sat off in the distance shaking their heads "no" to un-supervision. Then the real shocker came when the judge addressed me by saying "The cops shouldn't of been called and no way will they ever again and #11 was in real pain and even though I don't think you meant to hurt her I won't tolerate these kids being hurt~! I spoke out of turn saying "It didn't happen" it only made him upset so I got up a said I need a break and letf crying with utter disbelief. I would never nor did it happen would I hurt my daughter in anyway. So the department was asking to suspend all visits for now until they file a 388 which I believe it's a motion to take my parental right's away because #13's attorney said not until we have a trial on this your honor. I am at loss and my faith very shaken and I wonder why God see's this as purposeful. I am in depression for sure but I will try and go on. I wrote a very long 3 page letter to the director over cps. I sent in all facts of proof of stuff I have done and was asked to do with no acknowledgement by the department of any of it. My life is in great despair as I left the courthouse the 2-social workers and one of their supervisors just grinned as if I saw Satan himself smiling that memory will be etched in my mind for sometime. I have done nothing wrong and yet their wearing on me as if I am hopless and no purpose to be a mother anymore. Why oh my precious God, why me,why did you choose me for Satan to toy with? I leaned into #13 and told her I love you my girl as she fought back her tears. Daughter #11 was never brought to court. This will be my last time I have sense to feel the deep loss I feel as my body is going into shut-down mode to feel no pain. I was just a mom,and diagnosed with Aspergers last year has rendered me a life without my precious angels and to be that parent I was alway's a "good mother". They came out and screamed at me not to be reading or sharing the report with #13 and I said I wasn't,they bullied me until tears and I finally removed myself from the situation all done in front of #13 and when I told my attorney I said this is what their accusing me of over-reacting in front of the children how is this any different. She said "It's not". I want to say as we were waiting to go into court #13 went outside with her attorney so I followed, I noticed a book in her hand and asked what it was about she was reading she replied "A girl" and I said "What about this girl" she replied reluctantly "She kills herself" this worried me as she has had some issues with depression and in fact they have placed her on meds for this and she has refused to go to therapy and talk to anyone and this was said in front of her attorney. Oh please pray for mercy on my soul as I feel as if my entire body is emerged in painful soares all over as it goes deep. Never in my life have I ever and my girls suffered so horrifically.Our family is broken and I fear it's just another case fallen in the cracks forever.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

**Visit that didn't happen, so sad** 10-19-2010

I am beyond disbelief this is happening. I took so much pride in making cupcakes,getting milk in the ice chest,cups,games just to make my visit so perfect. I battle a deep rain storm, a accident on the freeway but arrived just on time. I went into the office to find Shellbe and I was told to go to the room for the visit and has I had many bags,ice chest and yet no one offered to help me so as Shellbe tried we paused and both asked why Montanna wasn't their for the visit so all they told us was ask Montanna, she's at school so I became upset as did Shellbe because she has been kept from her sister as they were both promised last friday they would get together for a sibling visit it never happened according to Shellbe and it was court ordered a month ago for sibling visits to start right away. Then the social worker said "we tried" so Shellbe became very distraught and clinging to me saying mommy I don't want to go, I want to stay for a visit but I had already swore accidently out of frustration so they said come on Shellbe were not having a visit. She again asked where's my sister. They said "At school" Shellbe said "Schools out,momma I think they put her in another foster home" and she really became upset saying "I have a voice,listen to me. My mom is a good mom and I miss my sister,my mom waste alot of gas to come here" I tried to console her and I was asked "Linda your the adult better make the right decision" I again asked where's Montanna. He said "You need to get a supervised phone call and ask her" I said "She won't call any memeber of her family anymore due to this mess and the suprvision" So I again tried to encourage Shellbe to go but she said "Mom what their doing is wrong and I have a voice and want to tell the cops my side of the story" O.k. Shellbe so the cops came were very nice and more understanding then the staff memebers. Finally I was told to say goodbye so as she cried all the way to the car and didn't want to go, she left. I finally asked the supervisor Rex why wasn't Montanna their he again said "call her" as the cop stood their I agan said"Why didn't Montanna show up" he said "She just didn't want to come she is here,but choose not to come and I don't know why". I said "Montanna has done some self injury behavior to and may think of suicide as they have placed her on meds she is unclear what they are when I asked her. I told him if my daughter hurt's herself in anyway I am holding each and everyone of you accountable got his card and left. I am so pissed off as he is a psychologist and allows these kids emotional abuse to still go on. I am NOT a threat to my girls but I was never called before hand explaining Montanna would not be their where I could of processed it better and explained it to Shellbe so instead my impulse takes control because all I see is my daughter is going downhill and didn't want to visit us for what deep seeded reason ?  I only get 1-hour once a week and I expect to see my children as I have been told if I am not going to show they need a 24-hour notice or my visit WILL NOT be re-scheduled. I am going to contact the media,papers,more lawyers and show this is such a bias case of pure discrimination against my entire family. For lands sake I was just a mother, a good mother,never hurt,harmed,neglected my kids in any way and yet look at our treatment now 18 months later. Anyone if you can help me to go to Wa, DC to pass a bill for people like me. "LINDA'S LAW" No more discrimination against disabled individuals please let me know what I can do.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

My visit on 10-12-10


This is very sad I must say as today was full of silence as none of us had much to say I guess. The toll is evident on my girls faces as their in fear of what to say. I asked daughter # 11 to pose for me as I was going to shoot a cell phone picture and was ordered to stop and said if you proceed were terminating the visit. It wasn't ever court ordered I couldn't take pictures it was only said not to place new stuff concerning the girls placement or pictures of them.  Which I have followed as I have the right to freedom of speech concerning what I am not happy with for what the system does to innocent families. My girls are lost in their own world as I don't feel a presence of closeness anymore which excites the social workers involved in their purpose to what they wanted to succeed in. It's a shame a good mother can be so disgraced and treated in this manner by such a corrupt system that isn't looking out for the best interest of my girls, for instance I was given papers to file with the court if I am against putting my child #11 on psycotropic meds again for the 3rd time with 6 different meds while in state's care. Since they won't listen to her own mother about a diet GFCF I had placed her on for 5 years after mom's of a autistic support group told me to try taking the wheat food away and see if their was a change and WOW was their, her attenion,aggressive behavior,vomitting,blood in stool and eczema all ceased. She talked better,slept better,focused better and all the biting,spitting,kicking etc... went away I had a different child. Now because she won't focus,behave,has eczema,surely blood in the stool and still shows signs of some aggressive behavior towards her own dog but they believe their "fix" is to medicate the child with many different meds to get her under control. So it was evident today she has lost some weight since her last visit and was very quiet and unresponsive to me talking to her. I am very concerned. How can this be o.k. with America ? I am baffled I don't have more outrage from other families and media attention to these children's suffering and being used as a lab rat is. Child #13 was not as angry today but very quiet as well. I asked why she is not connecting to her family with phone calls and she claims she's (busy) or said "everytime I go up to the office to get someone to supervise the call their is never nobody who can." She is in despair as I am. I am going to fight as far as I can possibly go even to Wa. D.C. to pass "Linda's Law" so nobody disabled will ever have to indure severe discrimination as we have as a family. All the attorney's I have spoken to are very aware it is truely wrong in our treatment so at least their viewing this from my perspective as it is the truth~!! I will never, ever give up doing what needs to be done for my girls and others so I will get justice in this world. I have nothing to be shameful for and I will not allow this corrupt entity to slander,mistreat,discriminate,abuse,neglect and use us as they have as we will win in the end. I will never give up sharing my story so the world can here how one autistic mother took it to the extreme to raise awareness to help other autisitc's to know you can use your disability to your full ability and overcome anything in life.

                                       God be with you all, Linda Souza

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

**A letter to my 3 precious girls**

Dear my 3 precious girls,

      Momma want's each and everyone of you to know how special you all are to me. From the day I watched you move amazingly around in my tummy to the touch of your tiny toes. You all were very much wanted and created by God for his purpose but given to me to raise and instill his values. Each time I think of a fond memory of my time with each one of you it tickles my heart with so much joy. Their was so many wonderful moment's I keep deep in my memory of all my time,love and joy I was given to raise you and bring you up to be who you are today. I am proud of each of you individually for all that you've achieved. I knew the moment you were handed over to me I got the best gift this life would ever offer. I will never afford Hawaii I am sure but you were so much more breath taking then a place I could ever go see. All the boo-boo's could never be enough for me and the teaching of responsibility was my gift to you. Our laughter alway's filled the room as so did the tears on many of my sleeves. I watched you all as you slept so peacefully filling good in my heart knowing you were protected and safe with me. With each bath you were given I'd feel the softness of your hair. Your smile was bigger then the state of Texas and your heart worth any amount of gold. As I watched you grow I was that much more thankful it was I that had been given this chance to be your momma. All the christmas tree ornaments you've made for me will alway's be cherished and all the "I am sorry mom" will be forgotten. I am glad for all those skinned knee's and bruised heads I once kissed. I could never regret my past with my children as their my finest fruits to remember. I am your piece that is missing but in no way fogotten. Our relationship has not yet ended together we are merely seperated for a time. Our bond will never be broken as were connected by eternity. I love each and everyone of you the same and never have any of you brought me no kind of shame.

                                                    Love your mom