Saturday, January 29, 2011
Two day's of court & I am more then exhausted and taking xanax as well makes it worse but it's the only way I can handle the stress of the courtroom. I was disappointed before it got underway as I was told my youngest Shellbe would not be coming to testify or to be able to see me. I was heartbroken to say the least. When Montanna arrived she was around the corner so I moved closer for her to see me but still had to say " Montanna wanna come see your mom" she finally wondered over and as we began to talk I asked her why she wanted to stay where she was @ because she had told me that. Her response was " because mom they give me so much more then I could get from you" I was so hurt, & I said well go sit down then as I can't fight this battle alone & I'll just fight for Shellbe. I realized later I probably shouldn't of said that but imagine the blow to my heart. Later when Montanna and I were talking about something concerning family a women came over and said " you can't talk about thing's like that". It is so very hard to have relationship with my daughter anymore. I don't always understand all the mumbo jumbo (processing issues) in court but social services asked to pass two 388 motions in order for me to not have any contact with my girls and he passed the one for Shellbe due to the county's lies of that I pulled my daughter's arm and hurt it, despite no evidence found and they didn't bring her to testify believing she is to stupid with her autism when she is a very bright child. So I just sat their and sunk inside so no contact with Shellbe. The judge did order I could have phone contact with her which I didn't get before so that was a plus. Then Montanna got on the stand and spoke up and said she wanted a relationship with me and when asked if I have ever hurt her or Shellbe she said " No" then she was asked are you close to your mom " yes" so she was excused to leave for school and a dance she was excited about. I wasn't allowed to hug or kiss her goodbye. I feel my bond has been sabotaged because she seems like she has distanced herself and it breaks my heart. Her 388 motion was denied I can visit Montanna in a supervised situation so we are trying to do it out of the realm of social services with the doctor I saw recently for another evauluation who again diagnosed me with Aspergers. He said he would offer our visit's @ his office, their supervised by someone who works with & understands autism plus individual therapy for me. So I am going to work on this. Social services is such liars as that's all they do, my attorney cross examined & called on the phone Shellbe's previous social worker even when asked by my attorney do you think Shellbe's anxiety is bothered more because of her autism and he stated well autism is her mother's diagnosis we have others then she said were you aware Shellbe has mild cerebral palsy & he again said " That's the mother's diagnosis". Shellbe has been diagnosed by the autism clinic @ university of Washington state & then again when hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital by a child psychiatrist so again who's the ignorant ones ? Now they brought up my internet posting's so they set a court date for that Feb 7th but I deleted my facebook account & this site is private as you need to sign in. They also gave Amber their sister unsupervised phone contact even though it was never court ordered to be so before & then the girls are suppose to get to go visit my ailing parent's soon but was ordered I was not to be there~!! I am just going to keep praying and hope someday God will return my babies although they will be almost grown women maybe. All I can do is keep my fight for justice and pray for a miracle that's all I am living for as you must all believe I am no criminal & by no means did I deserve this treatment. May God bless me & my children. If not here on earth my reward will be in heaven with Jesus and that's all I must live for~!! Thanks to all who follow me and care.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Today is January 19th 2011 exactly 3 months ago I was cut off my entire contact with my precious girls. This is beyond cruel as none of us has done no wrong~!! To alienate a mother from her two daughter's & with special needs is way beyond cruel, how these people sleep @ night I wonder but I know I pray for your souls. I am well adjusted due to my savior living within me as I know "people" cannot & will not do anything more to me then he will allow~!! I am strong & will not be defeated~!! It's their souls they must worry about as if your a christian and believe he states in his book "Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord." I pray everyday & know my wonderful savior will care for his children & keep them safe. Ignorance or just plain stupidity is no reason to tear a family apart. I will never forget a social worker telling me he placed my older daughter in a academy for exceptionally bright children because she could go far as she didn't have the problems me & my youngest had, now if that wasn't insinuating our intelligence I don't know what it was. Night's are the hardest time for me because it was because I was their every night to tuck them in for bed, kiss them goodnight, tell them how much I loved & cared for them and of course their big hugs. If you think any human being on the spectrum doesn't have a emotional connection with those they love & care for well I am here to tell you your absolutely wrong~!! I connected on every level & even added some of my own. Our bond will NEVER be broken no matter how hard social services tries. I am their momma and will always be. My older child once said "Mom you know even if they kept me until I was 18, you know right where I'll come back to." She's aware after 18 anyways the state has no more use for them as they don't bring them in funds so as you have heard with many stories of other's they are dumped right onto the street's when they turn 18. As you all know what a sham our so called government is as it cover's up many, many things. Today I will say some extra prayer's for my babies and let them know my dear children you are loved, wanted, missed and will NEVER be forgotten about~!! Keep the faith and let Jesus spirit rule in your heart's and God will do the rest. Praise you my heavenly father. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo my beloved daughter's momma's here~!!!!!!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
What defines your capabilities as a mother ? I thought if you loved, nurtured, directed, feed, clothed, protected, meet all their needs this was a good parent ? Well as I wrote a letter to my current attorney and told her attorney's usually defend people they believe in their innocence and all I wanted was her to believe in me. As I gave my girls the most structured environment I could of ever done and proud of it. If it was for me in seeing to it Shellbe had all her needs met with her physical problems she had like taking her in to see a doctor when she wasn't walking @ 18 mos. and the doctors wanted to ignore it to her prematurity and I said "No, something is wrong" well given a MRI they finally said "She has mild brain damage" so then when she continued to walk 24/7 on her toes I took her in again and was told she had tight heel cords and needed surgery. So after that and out of her casts she was placed in braces for 2 1/2 yrs. this child needed them put on every single day before the bus arrived, well being she couldn't do it herself I was their~!! Then as time went on and Shellbe fell all the time I again took her in to see someone and find out she is almost legally blind in both eyes. Then between her sister Montanna and her they both have had P.E. tubes placed surgically in the ears 10 x yes 5 x each child and I was their for that. Many times Shellbe was hospitalized for rota virus, lung issues, failure to thrive, I lost count but I was their each and every single time. Then Shellbe was up like clockwork @ 4:00 a.m. every single morning getting ready for school, well I surely didn't lay in bed and sleep I was up watching her making sure she was safe. Then she was a runner like many autistic children so I put locks up high out of her reach so she stayed safe in the home. Shellbe was messing her pant's until the age of 7 but if I was persistent like I was and worked hard with her she'd be in diapers today @ 12 again I was their for that. She was behaviorally off the charts biting,spitting,kicking,yelling until some moms on a autistic forum told me take away the wheat,Linda and you will see change so I did for 5 yrs. this child stopped bleeding in her stool, stopped vomiting and her behavior improved greatly but if I had not tried it I wouldn't be a good mom but social services has said "She has been obsessed taking her to many doctor's." and "Incapable of meeting these children's special needs due to her diagnosis." What I say, who was their meeting all their needs in the past and I have had Aspergers my entire life but was just diagnosed @ 46 yrs. of age. So people am I unfit to be a parent due to a mild disability ? Oh and I must mention to those who don't know I have a adult 26 yr. old daughter who is NT and has made her way quite nicely in life she say's "all because of you momma" so you be the judge and let me know your opinions of what characterizes us a a "GOOD PARENT" ??
It has been since Nov 19th 2010 was the last time I seen one of my girls as they didn't bother to bring my older daughter so it set off anxiety of me and my youngest due to our autism. We asked over and over where she was and kept being told "She's @ school" and my youngest smarter then given credit for explains "She's not @ school, cause I am out of school." Well long story short I was accused of pulling my daughter by the arm so in the report it was written up as I am aggressive and I'm to much for my daughter's mental health & safety. Thing is I found on their own report they called about Shellbe's arm the day before my visit Monday Nov 18th 2010, she was taken to a emergency the day of supposedly to have her arm checked and in the report no evidence was found~! See how their reports turn out to be lies. Now this is a baby I brought home premature 4lbs. @ birth and spent the next 7 yrs. in and out of the hospitals for all her medical needs and I was their each and every time so I would abuse her this one time in front of many people, I think NOT~!! They are going to put my 12 yr. old on the stand but Shellbe is moderately autistic, mild cerebral palsy and they have tried to say she has mild MR but it's just intellectual more so due to her autism. I am not afraid because my girls know I love and want them and never have I mistreated,abused or neglected my girls. It's just sad what they put "children" through just to want to make a case against a parent. My girls were both diagnosed with PTSD back when they were abused sexually by their own father but I am sure this has brought it on again as it has with me. Not to mention the psychological damage a autistic child can endure while being kept from the only parent they have ever known that has cared for them. Parental alienation is damning to any child. In the 19 months it's been since removed over all it's been almost 6 mos. I have been kept from my girls, again I ask for what simply for being on the autistic spectrum. I used to sit around and cry and wished I was never diagnosed but now out of anger and frustration I wished more people were educated and wanted to learn and understand about this neurological disorder that is climbing @ a alarming rate faster then any childhood disorder combined. Ignorance isn't a excuse to treat people with less dignity and compassion then needs to be. We were probably put here on earth just to teach people more about empathy, love, understanding & compassion because nobody will ever tell me as a autistic adult I have any less of any of it because I don't as I think I even have more. Have you seen I AM SAM he had more love in his heart for that daughter of his then his own high profile attorney who was to busy being just that then being their for her own son. Just because we are "different" doesn't mean we aren't human~!! I have written a total of 9 letters as of today and in my girls letters today I sent them both cross necklaces to ensure them they represent Jesus has a promise and he is in total control so continue to pray for us all and I will continue my fight for violated right's of autistic adult's & children who can't get their voice heard.
Jeremiah 29-11 (Will come to pass)
Saturday, January 1, 2011
I want the world to know how wicked our county social services is in San Diego county as they can illegally steal children and literally get away with it. PRAY GOD HAS MERCY SOON IN 2011.