**GOD IS SO GOOD**WHAT ELSE IS LEFT TO BE SAID** 2-17-11

God is so very good, if you put your faith,trust & immerse yourself deep in his love he can fill your life with so much hope & goodness. I am so glad he listens when you speak & seek him for a deep intiment relationship with him as I have learned through my tribulation. If we want a God to follow we must build this relationship that can't be broken by no one & if you really give your heart to him and ask for him to change it, he absolutely will for the better it's such a awesome feeling. You can survive ANYTHING~!! I will assure you this. Your heart can be ripped out of your body literally but God himself will repair your pain & give you the strength to go on. It's some work as you must really want this relationship & believe he is our creator & he gives ALL things to us and he can transform your life. I went from homelessness to having a car to keep me safe & all the time I was homeless & struggled I seeked God, read his word & clinged tight to his promises & he restored my housing of 22 yrs. I lost to getting me back into a apartment & paying for the full $800 deposit on the place so now 6 mos. later I am in a home with my service animal that laid on the floor board of my car every night with me the 5 months I was homeless but now she has her bed & toys & is a happy dog again. God supplied ALL my needs when I was homeless even to the point I went & stayed a week with my parent's to get out of the car & the very second day I got their I was placed in the hospital with the removal of my gallbladder but my parent's were their to watch my dog and I had a place to heal so God knows where you need to be when things take place as this did, he provided extra money to my daughter when working so she could supply extra funds to me while I was homeless, he provided a place to go eat one hot meal a day @ a bread of life shelter where the word of God was preached so despite our trials God was ALWAYS their for me and show me he is my daddy & loves me very much. Our tribulation's are to teach us perseverance & build character in us and if we allow it we grow in the most difficult times we go through. So now I will not allow the enemy anymore time in my life to bring me down because I have grown so much & given so much grace. God also proves what the enemy means for harm God brings together for our good. I am going to build myself up & walk my 5 miles a day I have been doing & praise his name every step of the way. His arms are stretched out wide now all you have to do is embrace him & the desires of your heart's will be filled.

                                                               

~UNBELIEVABLE STORY~ OF FAITH, HOPE, LOVE & JOY FOR JESUS

                                                            

Wow can you believe a woman can go through all of this and still survive ? Yes because I was given immense courage & unbelievable strength from a wonderful source "My heavenly father"  and I am giving him all the glory. I will surely have a testimony to share of despair,depression,homelessness,tragedy to strength,perseverance & the will to live & become something special to Jesus so God get's all the glory. Yes I have battled depression most my life,some suicide attempts & self injury behavior but never understood why. I had 3 beautiful daughters & two affected with autism & I was diagnosed with Aspergers after I lost custody of my two girls in 2009 for depression I was 46 yrs. old & since my girls remain in state's care 22 mos. later because I am being discriminated against for a disability I have lived my entire life with & raised three girls basically on my own (but really this is part of Gods plan). My oldest is 26 & I have a awesome relationship with her. So despite all I have done to prove I know how to parent social services chooses to keep my girls even after me losing my housing sec 8 of 22 yrs. & became homeless for 5 months living in my car with my service animal I hold no anger in my heart for the evil as I even prayed for my enemies & thanked Jesus for my car that locked & kept me safe. No it wasn't easy but after 5 mos. of no home Jesus restored my housing & now I have a 1-bedroom apt. Jesus has chosen me to grow,love,learn & accept all these people I didn't understand with a open heart. I am glad I was able to see my areas that needed change & change it for the better. My girls have suffered more abuse & neglect then ever with me but Jesus had to suffer for us so as I think of his pain it eases mine. I have come a long journey & have changed my mind in the way it thinks so it set's itself on good thoughts instead of bad. I am proud to be who I am now as Jesus has taught me a lot on loving myself who he preciously created. The hand of God is in control of my future not anyone else & if I can do this through Jesus anyone can who really want's to. As all my depression & anxiety I have battled for years just disappeared one day. I became very disciplined in my daily walk with Jesus giving all the credit & glory to him & I am transformed a new creature. @ first I wanted to die when all this happened but Jesus had another plan for my life and I am so grateful because I do have a purpose as each one of you do. My family will be restored as I have much faith in my father & I will be even a better christian mother then I was before so he does do what he say's in his good book. Despite the parental alienation the department has done my children will never forget who their mom is and how much they love me for the good mother I was as Jesus already has shown this to me. Many night's of tears & despair has gone away as I don't offer the devil a ride anymore because he ain't taking over the driving~!! I am strong & no longer have a need for depression,self-injury or allowing evil to have it's way with my soul as I am a firm standing,proud child of the most high. It is my prayer my story can inspire you to live a joyful,content christian filled lifestyle for all who are important to you. 

May God bless all your day's ahead

                                                                

What is Gods plan I wonder ??

                            
I have a court date scheduled for Feb 17th and because the county of San Diego has nothing else to pin on me, well a warrant for my arrest has been issued but "held" by the court until our court date. I wonder what is Gods plan for my life ? I am so in love with my awesome daddy nothing is impossible with him so if it's "his will" so be it. The funny thing out of all this is social services thinks their in control but my awesome savior has taught me so much about living for him,following his direction and unbelievable discipline that has transformed my soul. I have been walking 4-6 miles a day,eating very healthy & quit drinking soda (cold turkey)& did it~!! I have lost 20 pounds and feel great~!! So even though I have lost my children temporarily I have learned so much about the person I am to be,a beautiful child of the most high and given so much grace I can do so much even as a adult on the autism spectrum because he does not make junk. I love myself more then I ever thought possible and as I walk each day like him I have learned to love,socialize & communicate with very many individuals that don't seem to find anything wrong with me. So with that said it is possible with Jesus as your savior living inside of you. God has a perfect plan for my family and I have much faith he will restore it soon. I am so blessed as my God given spirit has awakened to such a high I will be & live happily ever after. My story God knows & that's all that really matters because it will be him that knows the ending and I am fine with that. I am so happy now to understand the sovereign love God has for me to have gone through this tribulation as I was NEVER alone he has been their the entire time and I am forever grateful. Thank you Jesus for giving me the gift of life & learning to walk passionately with you on this journey.I praise God to be me~!!

                            

SATAN~ comes to kill, steal & destroy~!! A black widow is no different~!!

   If you let the enemy in they will devour you~!
Social services is no different as their run by people who do not,nor will not live in the light. It's sad,it's horrific what goes on when nobody's looking. The torture,abuse,neglect is unimaginable in a child's eyes.Our government is corrupted with evil hands.We surely must pray for such lost darkened souls.They lie in every report ever written up,they never ever take into an account of what the child really want's.They leave them alone and unattended in harm's way.Never is a child allowed to speak & when they do their not heard~! What more could these vicious evil people do? Enough damage is done day by pain staking day of
emotional,mental,physical,& psychological abuse @ the hand's of a broken system that NOBODY cares to fix~!! I will never ever stop speaking my mind on how I feel & see this corrupt evil system they call CPS and say's it's their for children in need. Aw as the devil is sly with his words so is social services this is why I believe they go hand in hand with the BLACK WIDOW. She is dark,discrete & tangles you so tight in her web you'll never see daylight again.So watch out my friends as she is always on the move & only takes seconds to attack.
In proverbs: 1-11 If they say "come with us" let us lie in wait for blood,let us ambush the innocent.This is exactly the way social services helps families. Please keep us in prayer as the power of good is much stronger then any evil as no demons are a challenge for God~!!                                                           

**Montanna's note to God**

Legal child abuse in the USA

COURT TRIAL 1-27-28-2011

                                           
 Two day's of court & I am more then exhausted and taking xanax as well makes it worse but it's the only way I can handle the stress of the courtroom. I was disappointed before it got underway as I was told my youngest Shellbe would not be coming to testify or to be able to see me. I was heartbroken to say the least. When Montanna arrived she was around the corner so I moved closer for her to see me but still had to say "  Montanna wanna come see your mom"    she finally wondered over and as we began to talk I asked her why she wanted to stay where she was @ because she had told me that. Her response was "  because mom they give me so much more then I could get from you"   I was so hurt, & I said well go sit down then as I can't fight this battle alone & I'll just fight for Shellbe. I realized later I probably shouldn't of said that but imagine the blow to my heart. Later when Montanna and I were talking about something concerning family a women came over and said "  you can't talk about thing's like that".  It is so very hard to have relationship with my daughter anymore. I don't always understand all the mumbo jumbo (processing issues) in court but social services asked to pass two 388 motions in order for me to not have any contact with my girls and he passed the one for Shellbe due to the county's lies of that I pulled my daughter's arm and hurt it, despite no evidence found and they didn't bring her to testify believing she is to stupid with her autism when she is a very bright child. So I just sat their and sunk inside so no contact with Shellbe. The judge did order I could have phone contact with her which I didn't get before so that was a plus. Then Montanna got on the stand and spoke up and said she wanted a relationship with me and when asked if I have ever hurt her or Shellbe she said "  No"    then she was asked are you close to your mom "  yes"   so she was excused to leave for school and a dance she was excited about. I wasn't allowed to hug or kiss her goodbye. I feel my bond has been sabotaged because she seems like she has distanced herself and it breaks my heart. Her 388 motion was denied I can visit Montanna in a supervised situation so we are trying to do it out of the realm of social services with the doctor I saw recently for another evauluation who again diagnosed me with Aspergers. He said he would offer our visit's @ his office, their supervised by someone who works with & understands autism plus individual therapy for me. So I am going to work on this. Social services is such liars as that's all they do, my attorney cross examined & called on the phone Shellbe's previous social worker even when asked by my attorney do you think Shellbe's anxiety is bothered more because of her autism and he stated well autism is her mother's diagnosis we have others then she said were you aware Shellbe has mild cerebral palsy & he again said "  That's the mother's diagnosis".  Shellbe has been diagnosed by the autism clinic @ university of Washington state & then again when hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital by a child psychiatrist so again who's the ignorant ones ? Now they brought up my internet posting's so they set a court date for that Feb 7th but I deleted my facebook account & this site is private as you need to sign in. They also gave Amber their sister unsupervised phone contact even though it was never court ordered to be so before & then the girls are suppose to get to go visit my ailing parent's soon but was ordered I was not to be there~!!  I am just going to keep praying and hope someday God will return my babies although they will be almost grown women maybe. All I can do is keep my fight for justice and pray for a miracle that's all I am living for as you must all believe I am no criminal & by no means did I deserve this treatment. May God bless me & my children. If not here on earth my reward will be in heaven with Jesus and that's all I must live for~!! Thanks to all who follow me and care. 

 I AM WHO GOD CREATED ME TO BE~!!!!