Saturday, September 10, 2011


I visited my 14 yr. old on Sept. 6th 2011 she came very bitter, angry, agitated and downright disrespectful towards me. She said some very nasty thing's because she had a bad day @ school, she said and was tired of walking on her crutches from her broken ankle so she blew up @ me. Saying "I was the reason she was their due to my depression & I am depressed all the time." and then said "If you want to really know it wasn't the staff who told me to block you from facebook it was me who didn't want you on there, due to stuff you say." Then said "I didn't even want to come today." and the lady (Marriage,family, therapists kept saying Linda listen to .........." I was horrified as I was being humiliated by a 14 yr. old teenager they have spoiled & basically let her do as she pleases. She then said "She never listens to me." and last she said "And I'll just tell you I don't want to come home." and the therapist's asks her do you want to end the session (15 minutes in) and she replied "Yes." I got up and said "I am not doing this 2x a month for the next 4 years so I'll see you when your 18 and left in tears. I drive 40 minutes each way to see her, live below poverty level so gas is always a issue, just had neck surgery, have a bladder problem must be fixed so I crap all the time and due to a ticket I got for speeding and didn't appear due to I was in the hospital having my gallbladder out so I forgot all about it, they suspended my license and dropped my insurance so if stopped my car would be impounded and I might go to jail but that's how much my kid means to me. I must mention I took her favorite candy, corn chips & bean dip & two bottles of different flavored water and let her pick first which she wanted and last visit I bought her clothes and never heard a thank you mom. She has Aspergers as well and not being treated for it as they don't believe it there where she lives so she will suffer as a teenager in high school not getting the social cues with friend's and being called a geek which has already happened. I wanted so badly to get my girls the services they deserved so they would not suffer as adults as I have and so this is where my depression was left untreated as I forgot about Linda and sacrificed myself to better help them and now my payback for 3 day's in the hospital was to lose custody of both girls 2 1/2 yrs. now and be alienated away from them as I have been. As my youngest 12 yrs. wants to see her mommy so bad it hurts her, as she tells me "I see the same moon, mommy as you see and I think of you." My attorney and autism doctor I have seen now 6 month's all think I should give up the fight as I do not have a chance to win them back. How can something so illegal and wrong go on in a place we call America, where others die in the desert just to come to for a better life ? This is my prison 
"AMERICA". Sometimes I even wonder if God does care and I am a devoted christian but I have not seen my youngest in almost a year and why would he allow such a thing ? (Forgive me Lord).
I am exhausted, tired, frustrated and sometimes just want to be so sedated I cannot feel. My older child has grown very bitter, angry, upset and even has made remarks like "I don't think I could ever come back to live with my sister." She is more affected with autism. I told her she worships the ground you walk on and if it was reversed I know she would not feel this way about you. I raised these girls with love, respect, and to give rather then receive and took them to church, taught them right from wrong and look what foster care can do to one's heart. I shall pray God will bring justice out of this and make thing's better for us then when we went into this mess as he promises in the bible.

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