COURT DATE 10-25-10

                            

I went today knowing it would be harsh but had no idea how harsh when I arrived I found out that in their report the department had wrote up they accused me of forcibly yanking my daughter #11 behind me and that they took her to the emergency room but unfounded evidence~!! Still as Montanna's attorney pleaded how frustrated Montanna was by all of this and the stress the visit's were becoming under this strict supervision she doesn't like or think is nessasary as her attorney spoke and stated "their is no real evidence their needs to be this supervision" she pleaded on our behalf for 20 minutes to him and as the county social workers sat off in the distance shaking their heads "no" to un-supervision. Then the real shocker came when the judge addressed me by saying "The cops shouldn't of been called and no way will they ever again and #11 was in real pain and even though I don't think you meant to hurt her I won't tolerate these kids being hurt~! I spoke out of turn saying "It didn't happen" it only made him upset so I got up a said I need a break and letf crying with utter disbelief. I would never nor did it happen would I hurt my daughter in anyway. So the department was asking to suspend all visits for now until they file a 388 which I believe it's a motion to take my parental right's away because #13's attorney said not until we have a trial on this your honor. I am at loss and my faith very shaken and I wonder why God see's this as purposeful. I am in depression for sure but I will try and go on. I wrote a very long 3 page letter to the director over cps. I sent in all facts of proof of stuff I have done and was asked to do with no acknowledgement by the department of any of it. My life is in great despair as I left the courthouse the 2-social workers and one of their supervisors just grinned as if I saw Satan himself smiling that memory will be etched in my mind for sometime. I have done nothing wrong and yet their wearing on me as if I am hopless and no purpose to be a mother anymore. Why oh my precious God, why me,why did you choose me for Satan to toy with? I leaned into #13 and told her I love you my girl as she fought back her tears. Daughter #11 was never brought to court. This will be my last time I have sense to feel the deep loss I feel as my body is going into shut-down mode to feel no pain. I was just a mom,and diagnosed with Aspergers last year has rendered me a life without my precious angels and to be that parent I was alway's a "good mother". They came out and screamed at me not to be reading or sharing the report with #13 and I said I wasn't,they bullied me until tears and I finally removed myself from the situation all done in front of #13 and when I told my attorney I said this is what their accusing me of over-reacting in front of the children how is this any different. She said "It's not". I want to say as we were waiting to go into court #13 went outside with her attorney so I followed, I noticed a book in her hand and asked what it was about she was reading she replied "A girl" and I said "What about this girl" she replied reluctantly "She kills herself" this worried me as she has had some issues with depression and in fact they have placed her on meds for this and she has refused to go to therapy and talk to anyone and this was said in front of her attorney. Oh please pray for mercy on my soul as I feel as if my entire body is emerged in painful soares all over as it goes deep. Never in my life have I ever and my girls suffered so horrifically.Our family is broken and I fear it's just another case fallen in the cracks forever.