The court date ~~~August 5th 2010

Yesterday's court date didn't at all go how I could of ever imagined. I was elated to see only Montanna as Shellbe was not brought. They changed attorney's for the girls and Montanna stated she didn't like her. As we were called into the court room I was asked if I wanted an attorney to represent me and I said "no" being I wanted to speak and express my dire situation, I thought it would be a good idea but I was wrong as I don't understand all their "legal terms" and I was as alway's ganged up on by a whole department of evil. The judge did acknowlegde I filed the petition for the "contempt" of court as they had done and they passed it off as nothing but the 388 we were to focus on so the judge did nothing concerning it so they got away with keeping my girls from me for 2 1/2 months. When my time to speak, I spoke softly and explained how hard it's been being homeless living in my car after gallbladder surgery, I also pleaded with him on a letter I had from the housing stating they would gladly give me a 3 bedroom if the girls were returned I told him I had this for 22 yrs. and the girls needed a place to come home to. He mumbled some words and I caught the girls are in permanant placement in foster care. I got anxious and wanted to share more so I guess my body language was making him upset and he stated he doesn't tolerate that from his attorney's and wouldn't from me, but I really don't know what I did. So he gave the department the change of order to minimize my contact to once a week in a controlled setting for 1-hour. I left bitter,lonely and very confused. I guess my children aren't going to be coming home. He wouldn't look at any letter's from any of you and I even printed out 6 pages of parent's that have murdered their kids and again asked what did I do to deserve this. Nothing was said. I went to the visit 40 minutes outside of town and seen the girls, Shellbe was elated to see I was alive and gave me a note. Montanna address me with a hug and the visit was "Controlled" by to men who obviously don't have any understanding or compassion of "Special needs" people. I again talked with the girls,I brought them stuff but we were in a small room, they became bored and I was asked not to say this,not to talk of that and I looked at Montanna and said "Can you imagine doing this another 5 yrs." the man with Shellbe jumped up and said I done I am ending the visit 20 minutes in and I said, why and I demanded to stay and have a visit as I became very upset and started to cry, so did the girls and Shellbe grabbed her dog's leash and said "no,no,no, please don't take my dog" cause she knew I had to go. It was so emotional for us all. I don't know what they want of us and I feel their doing this specifically so they can say see she doesn't interact with them well. For heavens sake, I never before had any problems raising my girls. It was over before it even got started and the emotional damage on them both is very evident. They left and I talked with the staff, well cried the entire time as I can't take this emotional rollar coaster with no help for myself. I cannot do this anymore, I am physically sick as my stomach cramps all the time, I was inconsolable down at the beach this morning a older lady came up and asked to talk with me and we did. I just cried as I explained my story. I am not strong enough to do this alone and it's way to hard on my girls so I will figure out something. I love my girls but what has been done to us all is a CRIME and I have absolutely no help so I will never win. Just pray for my girls, they will know I hope of what a wonderful,loving and very caring parent I was even if nobody else believes it. As I am deeply depressed and life isn't any fun without my children. I was a great mother and never did I ever hurt,mistreat,abused,neglect them in any way~!!! Life isn't fair but when a state can come in and rip your own children from you and keep them for no apparent reason, what can a single autistic women do ?