~ A FRESH START~~A NEW DAY TO BEGIN~~LIVING FOR MY GIRLS~

Today I am going to visit my girls at San Pasqual Academy at 3-4 and I am excited because I prayed with some ladies from church and they told me to not focus on the "people" observing me just focus on my time with the girls. This may sound simple to most but for autistic's it can be overwhelming having constant eyes on you but I have only a hour and I have decided to make this the most powerful,close time I can share with my girls. I have snacks,drinks and a card game ready to be played. I just wished I had more time but God will work on that. I am learning to let go and let God take control. I have learned alot through my journey and all I can do is praise him getting me closer to his kingdom someday soon. I also want to be the best example for my girls I possibly can be. I am going to try and capture a new shot of us together to share with all of you. Montanna is maturing into quite a young women and has lost some weight and looks beautiful. Little miss Shellbers as I have often called her is my full of life, happy go lucky girl most of the time but this has surely caused some real stress on her but she wrote me a "love note" and told me she loved and missed me and she looks at the same moon I look at and thinks of me. My angels are special in every way to me and alway's will be. Follow me and check back later to see how it all turned out. Also I am looking at a apartment I am trying to get into right now, I am excited for what the future will hold for me and my children. Stay blessed in the Lord and love one another as he would want us to do.

Well I was so excited I arrived 1-hr prior but parked down the street to to read the bible and study scriptures. I was fullfilled with the holy spirit and felt ready to do this and was excited to see my girls. I brought a small ice chest with pudding,juice,soda,fruit cups,yogurt,gummy worms, chips and dip man I was prepared. I brought a card game to play. Shellbe arrived first came in and hugged me and said excitely "hi momma" and it was the old social worker who is suppose to be a chrisitan. As I was talking with Shellbe he looked at me and said "In a minute I am going to the car to get you something and I think you already know what it is" I was dumb founded and said "no" so he asked me to walk out of the room and he said "you need a band-aide for your arm" I looked down and notice a small scrape where I must of hit it on something as my skin is so thin is breaks easily and so I was clearly upset being accused of "self mutilating" again as honestly I had no idea I was bleeding a tad. Since I have had a prior incident of self-injurious behavior I am now being victimized by it. Then when I confronted him to ask to talk to him he went around me and said "move" I never touched his body and yet he left the room to get a supervisor and came back telling him it was enough to end my visit, as I went out to talk to the other staff I broke down in tears as the wicked is so trying to ruin my parental bond with my children and make me look like a unfit parent because they have absolutely nothing on me. Their was compassion on the other staff he agreed to sit in and watch our visit continue and it went great and the other worker waited outside. I hugged and kissed my girls and said "I'll see you next Tuesday" but I wonder if I will. The pressure your made to be put under is enough to drive you crazy but I will not let it as I get overwhelmed,upset and very confused for heavens sake these people have ripped my girls away now going on 2 yrs. and I have done absolutly nothing to them and yet I am treated as the criminal. It's such a unfair world and how do you recover what they have stoled from you ? I love and care more for my babies then anybody else could ever do but more because I to am autistic so I clearly "get-it" that other's don't. I fight depression, alway's have and yet through this I am not offered services to help me in fact they make up lies and have distroyed our family unit as a family by seperating us all from each other.This is a hanous crime as I have done nothing to deserve this, I am a human being and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect just like any other. I am a fighter and will go on and the evil will be broken down by the goodness of God. Autistic people have a hard time regulating emotions and this has been one heck of a roller coaster ride so who can blame anyone for feeling overwhelmed and NOT being offered services, how would they expect me to act. I am a adult, but a adult with "very special needs" that should have appropriate people to work with ALL of us as family in this theraputic setting as they call it,  but were given different people each time and only county social workers NOT qualified in any special area to be working with autistic's this is for sure. It's unbelievable that the county will place you in a a drug rehab or a alcohol rehab program if you have this problem to reunite you as a family, even if the father has anger managment problems they'll help him and then place the child back and it's killed but I AM NOT OFFERED ANYTHING through the court system NOT even REUNIFICATION services. What clearly wrong in this picture ?? Jereamiah 29-11 is what I hold onto.