~~My Visit~~ Aug 31st 10

                                                          

Today I had a wonderful visit with just Montanna as they claimed Shellbe's school would not allow a supervisor from the department of social services to pick her up, but funny thing Shellbe told her grandma the social worker was just out the day before and never mentioned her visit. So that makes 3 weeks of not seeing her and 2 weeks for Montanna and they claimed they were getting a "expert" in autism to check me out before I saw the girls again being they were trying to say I was unstable but it's in my opinion just another way of "keeping me from my girls" and I was told today by a staff member where Tanna lives that (if the visit's go well I see the girls if in their opinion they don't go well I won't see them) so again it's about watching if Linda's ability is pleasing to them not about my girls mental health on needing their only parent thier mom~!! Because their was never any doctor standing by. I have to share this as I was absolutely blown away by something that did take place that really makes you see this isn't about two neglected little girls that need protection from their mother. I was sharing a story with Montanna about my service dog and how she had sensed their was somethng wrong with me one day and pawed at me in the car while I was driving and dizzy until I went to the hospital then she stopped as I proceeded to explain to my daughter I was diagnosed with Vertigo (inner ear) I was stopped at "diagnosed" and told to redirect my conversation, which I did but was confused. So Montanna went on to explain how the foster parent's took her to see a Jennifer Aniston movie about her wanting to get knocked up and switching the "male stuff" around and the lady who does the supervision from a outside agency went off laughing like mad, I was floored and said "Oh this is appropriate conversation for us to be having" so I expressed I wanted to talk to someone after my visit. I brought her some stuff from Claires in the mall, 2-bible study books,one meant for girls 12-18 about boy's,friends,marriage and God. I asked her if she got to go to church and she said "no but I'd like to" so I mentioned to them it was really her religious right to go and they said "Well talk about it" and then I told Tanna, your grandparent's and sister say they never hear from you and would like you to call them, again I was shocked by her responce "I was told NOT to call any of my family" I asked her who told her that she said "My social worker" so as you see this isn't about two badly mistreated children that need to be restricted from a terrible mother it's "CONTROL" and parental alienation ~!! I loved on Tanna and shared with her our great bond we do have and she shared how she will be the campus photographer and won some money on her pictures (proud momma).  I was later asked "How do you think it went " I said "Great I love my girls and never have I had a issue with parenting or communicating with them"  I later told the supervisor I have a problem with people just taking my daughter to movies as a mother I may not approve of and I explained I used to watch a movie prior to letting her watch it and her responce was "Well Linda we can't call you everytime they want to take the girls to a movie" so I said "Well I do have my parental rights and would like to say she in't allowed to see a PG-13 movie without her mother" her responce "Well you know this will probably upset her she can't go with the other girls" big deal I am her mother and care about what she's exposed to as I have alway's instilled values in my girls,took them to church,showed them morals and yet their in (protective care) from me and not going to church,watching whatever,seeing girls stealing alcohol and getting drunk onsite where she lives Tanna shared and I am the parent with the problem ?? I see she is already wearing eyeliner under her eyes, I probably wouldn't allow at just 13, she's not a high schooler only 8th grade. My mother commented to my dad and said "Those kids are good kids and behave well because of the way Linda raised them" and you know that is the absolute truth. I missed my Shellbers and it will be a long week for us both as I am sure again they won't take any extra efforts to connect us before out next schedled visit. It was ordered Aug 5th when we went to court to get the phone calls back going do you know I have not yet almost a month later talked to either child on the phone~!! It just really makes me wonder what in heavens name did I do to my girls to be kept from them in this way. Absolutely NOTHING this is the evil in our world, tearing good,loving families apart. Please continue to pray everyday because GOD is so much more powerful then any evil and when God is done molding me and using me for his purpose my girls are coming home. I am strong,stable and tomorrow moving into my very own apartment and I have a job working for a lady who owns a dog grooming bussiness washing dogs and I haven't worked since I was 18 so I believe this say's alot for me and I am very capable of raising my girls. God is good, loving and watching out for me in everyway. I even took cookies to all of them and a card expressing forgiveness and explaining I want to to learn how to parent better, willing to be calm and listen to them and I appreciate them all working with me. I even did to the housing authority telling them the same thing as I did not work well with them either at one time so the director was blown away she started to cry as I told her this was all because of the gracious gifts God's placing within my spirit to change so I even thanked him today for my tribulation to mold me more like him. It's all good and God will see me through this and my life will even be better because of it. Stay blessed you all. I am going to be fine because of my wonderful savior.