Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Well sadly I have spies with eyes upon me and they are following me so they can make wild accussations of what they think they have read. All I have to say is the truth, a autistic person is every bit human as the next we just have a harder time with emotions, pocessing, understanding boundries, being blunt, social issues, anxiety, depression, mood issues but when in america did this make you a unfit parent ?  I am different as are so many people not just autistic people. What is the real kicker is the norm are really the ones with the "problems" as they lack empathy, compassion, patience and tolerance for people as me. I am being judge simply because I am "different" and it doesn't matter I am a mother, sister, daughter and I have worked very hard my entire life to do nothing more then to love, care and raise 3 beautiful, wonderful girls. When my youngest was brought home premature and weighed a mere 4 lbs. I was afraid at first I'd hurt her but I knew I had more love and strength in my soul to give this child nothing more but then what she deserved and I did. I spent a total of 7 yrs. of her life in and out of the hospitals because she was a sick child, failure to thrive she got many viruses and the milk and wheat was making her ill. It was I that helped her gain a healthy life later on and stopped her gut from bleeding. It was I that raised all 3 when my two ex-husbands walked out on me. It was I that feel asleep during times I shouldn't because I was so sleep deprived. It was I that stayed up on the internet to the wee hours learning everything I could about autism when my youngest was diagnosed to better help her. It was I that gathered my girls up and moved to a state I'd never even visited after my ex-husband raped my youngest and was still stalking us. It was I that grabbed a child in my clutches when she ran into the street because of her autism. It was I that got head-butted when she pulled a tantrum due to autism. It was I changing beds in the middle of the night half asleep when she wet the bed. It was I that cleaned smeared poop off the bathroom walls. It was I that sat over the toilet rubbing her back when she'd throw up nightly due to wheat intolerances. It was I that bathed her in the middle of the night to bring down a high fever. It was I when they needed disapline. It was I when there were scraped knees. It was I when they needed unconditional love. It was I when the girls had ear surgery for P.E. tubes 5 x each. It was I when my youngest was put in braces for 2 1/2 yrs. due to cutting her heel cords. It was I when my youngest had eye surgery 4 times. It was I when the older child needed her tonsils out. It has ALWAYS been me so surely I am having a hard time trying to understand their philosiphy in why they seem to picture it very different when the children are older,easier to care for,out of their sicknesses and needing their momma so much more during the growing up years of pre-teen and teenage. I will never ever began to understand what they feel their doing to me and my children is right as we can become overwhelmed by a neglectful system, being ripped apart as a family going on 2 yrs., knowing my children have endured horrific abuse in all aspects since being in state's care, lack of concern for our disabilites and yet I am not EVER suppose to show any emotions in being upset, more depressed, sad any normal person would be as well so honestly I think I've been handling things great but see they are trying to build a case against me so they need everything and anything I say blown out of porportion.

**Updated** I lost a visit set for tomorrow Tues 8-17-10 because they choose to believe I am unstable just another way to keep from the most precious people in my life. Pray for a corrupt system that doesn't care about the family unit as a whole anymore. Listen tomorrow on facebook as I am doing a live broadcasting show to air my story publicly.

So for now on I guess I need prayer for me to follow this bible verse better.

Proverbs 21-23

He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles.

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